Miscarriage is one of the most silent, isolating, and misunderstood forms of loss — yet it affects thousands of families every year. In Episode 13 of The Lifestyle Prescription, host Rena Dipti Annobil sits down with award-winning media professional and mother Reena Combo-Kainth for an emotional, deeply honest conversation about recurrent miscarriage, navigating grief, and finding strength after baby loss.
Reena’s story is one of courage: five miscarriages, years of fear, countless hospital appointments, and the emotional weight of trying to rebuild hope each time. Her willingness to speak openly — about trauma, cultural stigma, anxiety, and motherhood after loss — offers a powerful reminder that no one should walk this journey alone.
Whether you are experiencing baby loss yourself, supporting a friend or partner, or simply learning how to approach this subject with greater compassion, this episode provides heartfelt insight, empathy, and guidance.
Beginning the Journey: Hopes, Plans & Cultural Expectations
Reena begins by describing her early hopes of starting a family soon after marriage — a desire shaped both by personal dreams and cultural expectations within the South Asian community. Falling pregnant quickly in 2015 felt like the start of a joyful new chapter. But within weeks, everything changed.
Experiencing Loss: The First Miscarriage
A bleed at nine to ten weeks led to the devastating news that the baby had no heartbeat. Reena describes the trauma of waiting for a natural miscarriage that never happened, and eventually undergoing a medical procedure.
The physical and emotional shock of that first loss shaped her journey in ways she could never have imagined.
Recurrent Miscarriages & the Emotional Toll
Reena went on to experience five miscarriages in total. Each brought a new type of heartbreak, and each was met with the same loneliness, confusion, and self-blame.
Despite looking outwardly strong — working, socialising, travelling — she describes nights spent crying in silence, and the painful belief that joy wasn’t meant for her.
Pregnancy After Loss: Living with Fear
When Reena eventually became pregnant with her son, Milan, she found herself unable to enjoy the experience. Every scan was filled with dread. Lockdown made it easier to hide the pregnancy, but it also intensified the sense of isolation.
For Reena and her husband, hope and fear existed side by side throughout their entire pregnancy journey.
Motherhood & Anxiety After Trauma
Even after giving birth, the anxiety didn’t disappear. Reena explains experiencing symptoms associated with PTSD, checking her son constantly and feeling overwhelmed by fear whenever he was unwell.
The emotional impact of baby loss doesn’t resolve with the arrival of a child — it reshapes motherhood entirely.
Silence, Stigma & Cultural Barriers
Growing up in a community where miscarriage is rarely spoken about added another layer of isolation. Reena shares how she created an anonymous Instagram page, Chasing the Rainbow, to connect with others experiencing similar loss — a space that offered understanding when she needed it most.
Navigating Baby Loss as a Couple
Reena reflects on how grief affected her marriage — not because of a lack of love, but because of the sheer emotional weight. Men often express grief differently, and neither partner knew how to support the other at first.
Over time, through open communication and private fertility consultations, they rebuilt their coping strategies together. Her husband eventually became her anchor through every scan, every appointment, every loss.
Insensitive Questions & Social Pressures
Questions like “Why don’t you have kids yet?” or “Are you enjoying life too much?” were painful and intrusive. Reena emphasises that comments like these — often said casually — can be deeply damaging to someone battling infertility or loss.
Deciding Whether to Try Again
Although Reena once imagined having a large family, the thought of experiencing another loss now feels unbearable. She and her husband have decided to focus fully on their son, acknowledging both the miracle he is and the emotional boundaries they must honour for their wellbeing.
How to Support Someone Through Baby Loss
Reena shares simple, powerful guidance:
Be present. Listen, sit quietly, or offer a warm drink — presence matters more than words.
Avoid dismissive phrases (“At least it was early,” “You can try again”).
Acknowledge their baby and their grief.
These gestures show empathy without minimising someone’s pain.
Reena’s Message of Hope
To anyone going through baby loss, Reena offers a message of love and solidarity:
“You are strong. You are brave. And you are not alone.”
Her story is an unwavering reminder of the resilience found in the quietest, hardest moments of life — and the healing that can begin when stories are shared.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Some multiple miscarriages are still not talked about enough. I think the first time that just happened, having a second time, that's just bad luck. You don't expect it to keep happening again and again and again.
Rena Annobil: You never really know the pain that can often lie behind someone's smile. Take my guest today. While the world saw a glittering career in media, glamorous holidays in Dubai, she was just trying to cope with the trauma of multiple miscarriages. And after years of trying, when she finally became a mom, she was riddled with anxiety.
Rena Annobil: She's bravely chosen to share her story and experiences and speak out about baby loss awareness just so that other people who are in similar situations don't feel so alone. You're tuned into the Lifestyle prescription. I'm Rina Annabel, and let me introduce my guest now in the studio, it is award-winning media professional Reena Kainth.
Rena Annobil: Hi, darling.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Hi, Rena. Two Renas to confuse the situation!
Rena Annobil: Exactly. So Rena, you know, we, we are talking about, uh, a really serious topic. Mm-hmm. And it is, you know, I should probably actually give a trigger warning to people who are watching and listening now. Mm-hmm. Because we are gonna be talking about, um, so things that we're quite traumatic for you.
Rena Annobil: Baby loss, miscarriage. Um, but if you just take me back to when your journey began. When you started trying for a baby?
Reena Combo-Kainth: Yeah, so I was 32 when I met my, well, 31 when I met my husband. Yeah. And which is considered as quite late, you know, in Asian, south Asian culture to get married. I was 32 by the time I got married.
Rena Annobil: Mm-hmm.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Um, we got married August time and um, we knew. Even before we got married, that as soon as we do get married, we wanna start trying for a family because we knew biological clocks are ticking. We also knew that we'd, we found each other, we were the right people for each other. So literally within a, we got married August time and we said, you know.
Reena Combo-Kainth: I'd moved from the West Midlands to sort of, um, west London. So a big change for me, workwise and everything else. So I said, gimme a few months, let me settle into work and then we can start trying for a baby. And he was like, whenever you are ready, that's fine. Like, but he was on the cards like straight away, basically Straight away.
Rena Annobil: Okay.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Straight away. We talked about it before we would even-
Rena Annobil: And was he similar age? Is that why?
Reena Combo-Kainth: Couple of years older than me. So, um, and we just knew that we wanted kids and I, I didn't want to be, not that there's anything wrong with it, I didn't wanna be a mature mom. Mm. I wanted to grow with my children.
Rena Annobil: Mm-hmm.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And, um, so we started trying a few months after marriage, uh, around about December-ish time. Got married August. Yeah. December time fell pregnant. March, 2020, uh, 2015. Sorry. Which was like amazing 'cause we'd only been trying three months. And, um. We were both over the moon. Yeah. So the journey had started then and unfortunately, you know, I had a miscarriage about nine or 10 weeks later I'd say.
Reena Combo-Kainth: So, um, and. We weren't expecting that. I don't think you ever expect it. You know, we had all that jumping up for joy and really happy that wow, it's worked and not ever thinking in those first eight to nine weeks that something is gonna go wrong. Was this before the scan? This was before the scan, right?
Reena Combo-Kainth: Yeah. So you have the scan at 12 weeks scan. Yeah, so I, I had a bleed, um, and instantly like I panicked. But I was cramping as well at the same time. So I knew that wasn't a good sign because the first thing you do is you pick up your phone and you Google it.
Rena Annobil: Yeah.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And I knew that wasn't a good sign. But then also they say it could be an implantation spotting, it could be just normal cramping, the uterus growing, all those sorts of things.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Um, so I thought, okay, let's, you know, it might not be that bad, but I went straight to a and e and um, they did a scan. They said to me, oh, you know, 'cause you are before 12 weeks, sometimes you can't see something on the ultrasound, so we need to do an internal scan, but as it's a Sunday you need to come back to early pregnancy unit tomorrow and blah, blah blah.
Reena Combo-Kainth: So the next morning, so when I went to a e my husband wasn't actually around, he was at work. So my mother-in-law had taken me. And then, um, but on the Monday my husband took me and they did an internal scan and they just said, really sorry, the baby hasn't got a heartbeat. So they could see a sack, they could see something in the sack, but no heartbeat.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And they would expect to see a heartbeat at around 10 weeks, which is what they said I was at that point. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and they said, we just need to let n take its course now, and you, you'll miscarry. Um, naturally waited a couple of weeks, didn't miscarry, and then was told I needed to have an operation.
Reena Combo-Kainth: A procedure done where they remove mm-hmm. Baby and sack and everything else. So that was traumatic in itself, you know, dealing with the emotional side, but you don't have time to, because you've gotta prepare yourself for the physical side of it as well. You know, here I am having a miscarriage, but actually I'm not, because you know, I'm lost by baby already, but it's still inside you.
Reena Combo-Kainth: It's still inside me. And they and I, they left me like that for two weeks afterwards and that is horrible. Two weeks afterwards, I was walking around. Still having all these pregnancy symptoms because the hormones are still there.
Rena Annobil: Mm-hmm.
Reena Combo-Kainth: My body still thinks it's pregnant, but I'm not. Um, and then you have to go through the whole procedure of having that baby removed.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Yeah. And that, that was tough. That was really tough. And even now, like, that was 10 years ago and I still, and it's just thinking about it. I can't believe I went through that. And in fact, I went through that procedure twice 'cause it happened to me again the third time. So
Rena Annobil: this was the first time?
Reena Combo-Kainth: First time.
Rena Annobil: And then what happened The second time?
Reena Combo-Kainth: Second time I got pregnant again pretty soon, you know, but within about few months. Um, and, but again, quite early on, this was, I think I must have been about six. Six weeks pregnant and I just had a gush of blood. Okay. Just a gush of blood. Um, lost that baby instantly, like everything had come out at that time.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Um, so I miscarried again, and then the third time was a pretty similar experience to the first time. Mm. And then sadly, I went on to have five miscarriages in total, you know. Okay. After that, and each time you think. You'd be ready for it or you'd be a bit more prepared for the emotions, the physical pain, but nothing prepares you for it.
Reena Combo-Kainth: You know, you think first time is bad luck. Well, actually no, you think the first time that just happened, have it a second time? That's just bad luck. You don't expect it to keep happening again and again and again. You just don't expect that.
Rena Annobil: So after the first time, the subsequent times that you got pregnant, was it a case of you, you didn't allow yourself to get excited or were you excited?
Rena Annobil: Like how, how did you feel?
Reena Combo-Kainth: never got excited and that's that that took away the joy of being pregnant, the time it was successful. Mm-hmm. You know, um, I'm very blessed and grateful that I've got my little boy, but we never got excited at all. You know, it was more dread, anxiety, and here we go again.
Reena Combo-Kainth: When I got pregnant with Milan, who is my son now, um, I still remember I'd gone on this. I was on a bit of a journey of trying to be fit and active. Yeah. Started running in the mornings and it was COVID so there was nothing else to do. You couldn't go to the gym. So I started running in the morning and, um, I, I was feeling rough the day before and we'd stopped tracking anything because.
Reena Combo-Kainth: I turned 39 and I said to my husband on my 39th birthday, and it was a COVID birthday, I said to him, I can't do this anymore. And he was like, what do you mean? I said, I can't keep trying for babies and losing babies. I said, we've lost five now. And I said, I feel like I've hit been hit by a truck emotionally and physically.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Yeah, you know, you get pregnant, your hormones. Raise, and then you lose a baby, and then you put on a bit of weight during pregnancy and then you lose the weight, a bit of weight. And I just felt battered in every possible way. I felt like I'd been hit by a truck like multiple times and he was fine. And he said, well, what do you wanna do?
Reena Combo-Kainth: And I do. And I said, well, if it happens, it happens, but I don't wanna keep trying anymore. I don't wanna. Check the calendar. We were living by a calendar. So
Rena Annobil: is that what you were doing before? Like you see, you said, yeah, living by calendar, thinking, okay, I'm ovulating. Now's the time.
Reena Combo-Kainth: literally standing there with an ovulation stick and saying, right.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And he'd be like, oh, gods sake. Like, you know, I've just been to work like, you know, and, but I'd be like, no, no, no. And there was no joy in any of that, you know? And like there was no joy in it anymore because we were just making a baby.
Rena Annobil: Right.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Okay. So then, so when. You know, I then this one time I wasn't feeling well.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Uh, and it was actually on my birthday. I know when I reconceived, it was on my birthday on because literally a couple of weeks later, I was about to go for a run in the morning and I thought, I feel sick. I was brushing my teeth. Mm. And I thought, and I thought, I know this feeling. 'cause I'd been through it like five times already.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And then I thought I already had pregnancy tests in the cupboard, did a pregnancy test, and, um. Left it on the side of the bath. I still remember, went downstairs to put my trainers on to go for a run, and then as I was about to leave the door, I thought, oh, I better go and check that pregnancy test 'cause I'd forgotten about it.
Reena Combo-Kainth: 'cause it was just like, yeah, didn't really bother me at that point. Ran back upstairs and it was positive and I was like, oh my God, how am I gonna tell my husband? It wasn't like, oh my God, I'm pregnant. It was like, oh my God. How am I gonna tell my husband?
Rena Annobil: Was that because you didn't then wanna cycle yourselves up for what another Yeah, and he was still,
Reena Combo-Kainth: it was like six o'clock in the morning, he was still sleeping.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Um, and then I went in the room and I said, I'm not gonna go for a run. And he was like, oh, is it raining? I still remember the conversation clearly, and I went, no, I'm pregnant. And he literally just shot outta bed. And he was like, what? I was like, I'm pregnant. And he had a smile on his face and I could tell he was really happy.
Reena Combo-Kainth: But as soon the smiles sort of deteriorated very quickly and. His exact words were, we've been here before. Let's just go with it. Like take each day as it goes. Mm-hmm. So there was no jumping up for joy, no excitement straight away. I was on a protocol anyway from the doctors. As soon as you get pregnant, you need to ring early pregnancy, isn't it?
Reena Combo-Kainth: You need to ring a consultant. You need to ring this. So I'm waiting till it's nine o'clock in the morning and I can make these phone calls. So there's like, I'm pacing up and down thinking, right? I need to ring my consultant. I need to get my medication, I need to ring early pregnancy unit, I need to go for a scan.
Reena Combo-Kainth: I need, you know, it is just, you're just going with it. We decided pretty at that moment we weren't gonna tell anyone apart from parents because we both can't hide things from our moms. So we said, right, we'll tell them. And that is it. Luckily for us, it was lockdown, so I didn't have that pressure of people knowing, and that made it a little bit easier to cope with.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Hmm. But there was none of that excitement, you know, I feel and I feel bad. That I didn't celebrate those things. I always imagined having a really big baby shower. I always imagined having the baby gender reveal and I didn't do any of that. I did it, but I did it really small. Okay. Gender reveal. We bought a massive balloon and literally my mother-in-law and father-in-law, that was it.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Then I did another one on video call 'cause it was lockdown with my mom and dad and my sister and her husband. And their little baby. Um, 'cause she was really, she was a baby then. And that was it. And then, um, I didn't do a baby shower. We had more of a gourd boy. Right. Um, which is similar to a baby shower, but it was just immediate family there.
Rena Annobil: Were you still terrified at that point? How many weeks were you when you had that?
Reena Combo-Kainth: I had it for about seven months. I was terrified every single day. Rena, every single day. Uh, I just kept thinking something's gonna go wrong, that this isn't gonna happen for me.
Rena Annobil: Mm-hmm.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Because eight years of trying, I never thought it was gonna happen.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And when it did, and, but even throughout my pregnancy, I couldn't enjoy it. I was having scans every single week, every Wednesday, two o'clock was our scan at the hospital and that drive to the hospital. Me and my husband used to sit in silence. Because we didn't know what it was gonna bring until he was in my arms.
Reena Combo-Kainth: We didn't believe it.
Rena Annobil: Mm-hmm.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And even then it was, it was hard, like, you know, the anxiety, like I've been told that I have PTSD, um, and that's not gone away because I have really bad anxiety sometimes. And it is because of, you know, the miscarriages.
Rena Annobil: I mean, this was one of the things I was gonna ask you, like, how has that then kind of shaped you as a mom?
Rena Annobil: But you're saying it is. Yeah, it's anxiety. I'm,
Reena Combo-Kainth: I'm a very anxious mother. Um, I'd like to think I'm a very good mother as well. Um, but at the same time, I'm, I'm, I panic about everything. My little boy. I like if he, when he was, when he was really small, and I know new, new moms have this feeling like, you know, constantly worrying about is the baby breathing and things like that.
Reena Combo-Kainth: But I didn't use to sleep 'cause I was just constantly putting my finger under his nose to see if he was breathing. Even now, like he gets sick and he just. There's something about when he's even got a normal cold or he's got some sort of virus and he's throwing up and there's something about it that just, I think something's gonna happen to him.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And it's really funny. It's not just me who has that, like my parents, my both my moms have that, like my mother-in-law, my mom have that as well. Anxiety when it comes to him. And my mother-in-law will say when he is ill, like, he takes away my life, you know? So inside, because when he's ill, I worry about him so much.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And it's like an extra level of stress because we spent so long wishing and hoping for him, and then there's this trauma that you've got to live with. And I, I, I'm always living with that. I always think that something is gonna happen to him and yeah, I know it's not, but I worry even more so than I should.
Rena Annobil: Is it a case of where you didn't allow yourself to be happy for those pregnancies and even when you carried your son to full term and, and I dunno, it just kind of sounds like you kind of in your head thought, rewired yourself to think Joy is not for me, this joy is not for me.
Reena Combo-Kainth: You know what, as a woman, you naturally and culturally and society teaches, tells you you're born to be a mom.
Reena Combo-Kainth: We are born to be women, uh, mothers women are born to be mothers. So it's the one thing that you think naturally you should be able to do. And when you're not able to, well, when you think you're not able to do that and your body is letting you down for so many years, when it happens, you still think you don't deserve that, and that's.
Reena Combo-Kainth: How I spent many years, I, I used to have a miscarriage and blame myself. I used to come out there and say sorry to everyone. I'm sorry. I've had a miscarriage. Who, why am I sorry? Are sorry. You apologizing to what? Your husband, your family. My husband. My family. And they'd said to me, why are you sorry? Like, you know, why are you sorry?
Rena Annobil: But why were you sorry?
Reena Combo-Kainth: I felt like I wasn't doing what biologically I was meant to be able to do. Biologically. Yeah, I should. Why was I losing babies? Why? Like, why was my body letting me down? Because I never really found a real cause for it. Just kept saying I couldn't hold a pregnancy.
Rena Annobil: Did other people say anything to you that, that made you feel a little bit guilty for stuff?
Reena Combo-Kainth: No, never really. You know, very few people knew. Each pregnancy, very few people knew. And as I got more and more pregnant, less and less people got to know. 'cause I was always scared I was gonna jinx it. I was always, there was always this feeling that the more people that know, the more re I'm putting myself at risk or the more I'm gonna have to tell them, oh, I lost that baby as well.
Rena Annobil: So who did you tell, obviously your husband, but who? Who did you tell what parents? In-laws?
Reena Combo-Kainth: My parents and probably siblings. That's it. Okay. No one else really knew. And even with Milan, there were family members when my husband had put up that we've, you know, we've just had a baby on Facebook, they were like, oh my God, I didn't even know she was pregnant.
Rena Annobil: Mm.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Luckily I had the COVID excuse and I didn't have to see anyone. Um, but it was, I just didn't want anyone knowing. I just thought that. And it wasn't that I was trying to be secretive. I was just so scared. I thought, if something goes wrong, how then am I gonna tell them something went wrong? It's more people to tell.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Yeah. I, there's more people that people tell the bad news to you. Yeah. Um, and I just didn't wanna tell, I didn't wanna go through all that and be having to tell people. Mm-hmm.
Rena Annobil: How did you cope after every miscarriage? How did you manage to cope? Because you know you have the operation, what two times was it?
Reena Combo-Kainth: Yeah, and three times. I think I had that in total and in between. I had a couple of other procedures for. Endometriosis because I have endometriosis. Did you know that you had endometriosis? I found out at the time I had endometriosis conceived. No, I found out the second time after the second miscarriage.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Okay. Because I was stu suffering so badly with pain and my periods were getting worse. Mm-hmm. Um, and I'd never really had bad periods before that. Um, so I'd had a couple of procedures done to clear that. But how I coped ah. That's a really difficult question because on the surface, I coped really well.
Reena Combo-Kainth: You know, I used to get up, put my makeup on, get ready, have a smile on my face, do all the fun stuff that me and my husband liked doing. But inside I was broken. I was really broken. Mm-hmm. But I'm one of those people that I like to be positive and I like to spread that positivity to others and maybe show my weakness would've then shown that.
Reena Combo-Kainth: I wasn't as positive as I really was showing on the surface. Yeah. And I'm always about helping other people and, but inside I was, I was struggling and I covered it up by keeping myself busy and work, you know, being there for everyone else, but actually inside I was broken, really broken, but I just never showed it.
Rena Annobil: And during this time, 'cause the eight years is a long time for you to be feeling like this on and off. Mm. You know, during that time when you saw other people become pregnant, have kids, and you know how I know you are a positive person, you know you're gonna be happy for people, but then inside you must be feeling quite like a, a sadness for yourself as well.
Rena Annobil: Right.
Reena Combo-Kainth: It was more like, why, why can I not have this as well? Um, I never, ever. I met lots of women on my journey, um, in like, um, at the clinics in hospital, and they got pregnant before me and their pregnancies were going really well. Seeing them have their success gave me hope. So I kind of spun it around a little bit.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Um, I could have been jealous, but I don't think at any point I was ever jealous. There was an element of, oh, I'd really want this for me. Um. But there was no element of being and they were really, maybe 'cause they'd been on a similar journey, they were really sensitive towards how they approached it as well with me.
Reena Combo-Kainth: But they didn't hide it. So that was, that was always good. But I found, I found certain parts difficult in the sense that if I found seeing pregnant women difficult, like with a bump. 'cause I really wanted that. Um. But at the same time, I, I, I can't say there was never an element of jealousy in any of it.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And I'll give you an example at the same time of when I was going through my first miscarriage. So my husband is one of three triplets. Um, and his youngest triplet, we always call him older, middle youngest. My husband's middle one. The younger one got married a month after us, and my sister-in-law, um, got pregnant.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Before I did with like the first time. So she was pregnant a couple of months before I found out I was pregnant. And when I lost the first baby, and I think the second one, she was still pregnant. Um, with her twin girl who, she's got twin girls now. They're 10 years old. Um, and I think people expected me to be jealous of her, but I wasn't.
Reena Combo-Kainth: There were elements I found difficult. Like she had a baby shower, but I was still there. I was, I was. Participating. I had a smile on my face. I was happy, really happy for her. 'cause you know, I love her to bits and I love her girls to bits, but I did find certain parts of it. Like I, I, you know, when I reflected on it in the evening and I'd be like, oh, I can't wait to have my baby shower.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And it was more that's sort of feeling. And that's,
Rena Annobil: that's normal. That's not even a jealousy thing. That's normal. It's okay to want those things. And
Reena Combo-Kainth: it was hard. It was hard for her. You know as well because she was there pregnant and then she knew what I was going through and she tried to be supportive and be there for me.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And she was. But that must have been, you know, two daughter-in-laws in one house as well. One you were living together as well. And at one point we were, 'cause we were both waiting for our houses, right. So my mother-in-law was like, you know, I still remember one that, that first time, um, I was having that procedure done.
Reena Combo-Kainth: I'm in the hospital. And my sister-in-law was upstairs having a scan for her pregnancies. She was her current twins, right in the same hospital. In the same hospital. My mother-in-law's sitting next to me and my mother-in-law then disappears. And I'm thinking, where's she gone? She's gone upstairs. Mm-hmm.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And she's hiding it from both of us. Okay. That she's upstairs sharing joy with my sister-in-law who's having these twin girls. But then she's sharing sorrow with me, who's then having this operation and I'm, when I think back to it and I think, oh my God, where did she find that strength from? How did she do that to be there for both of you?
Reena Combo-Kainth: She didn't tell my sister-in-law she was that I was there and she didn't tell me my sister-in-law was there. So it's, when you think of it like that, it's like, wow, like this was our journey, but it was just what life dealt me. It was the cards that life dealt me and I had to. Handle it through,
Rena Annobil: through all this happening.
Rena Annobil: And you know, obviously I, I've, I've known you for some time in, in like a, a, like a creative kind of space, right? Yeah. Um, and I know that you've been really successful. You are successful, uh, uh, what you do, you're an award-winning media professional. You've done so many things. You're magazine, you know, interviews with loads of celebs, uh, marketing campaigns, so many different things.
Rena Annobil: You were achieving all of that, right? While this was happening. There's obviously then the public face. Yeah. Which was what people see. Holidays in Dubai. Lovely things like this. Right. Yeah. Looking glam. Yeah. You know, you're sitting there with Charo, Kahan, all these kind of things.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Oh yeah.
Rena Annobil: So all this kind of stuff.
Rena Annobil: Right. Um, looking fabulous. Was there then a public facade that you put on and, and, and, and a private pane,
Reena Combo-Kainth: of course, because that was Rena who works in media. Was Rena who goes out to work and, you know, spreads that joy and positivity everywhere else. Yet at home there was Rena who was sitting and crying into a pillow every night because she was so desperate for a baby.
Reena Combo-Kainth: You know, there was, there's, and it wasn't, there was a shame in me trying to show that the world, it was just that it felt like my pain was mine and I didn't wanna share it with anyone else. And even when I was going through miscarriages. I didn't share it with those closest to me, like my mom and my sister, because I didn't wanna hurt them.
Reena Combo-Kainth: I didn't want them to worry, you know, I want, I didn't want anyone to stress about me.
Rena Annobil: Mm.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And it was more, I didn't, just didn't wanna be a burden on anyone. Yeah. Um, but my work and traveling and everything else was my escapism that helped me psychologically not think about. What I was going through emotionally, I was, that was my escape of just being who I am and not having to be this woman who's just desperately trying to have a baby.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Hmm. Because I felt like there were two s at the time. There was the one that goes out and works and spreads joy and positivity, and then there's this other one who is fighting this battle and really. And is really brave, but at the same time, quite weak at this moment in time, but didn't wanna show that to anyone else.
Rena Annobil: I, I do think that even though we are in a, a culture now where a lot of people, as things happen to them, they're sharing things on social media, for example, speaking out about things, which is great. Right. But I do feel like sometimes you've gotta go through things. And be on some kind of a healing journey so you can look back and then share it.
Rena Annobil: Especially like, I feel like from, from the generation that we are from, yeah. It's more of that kind of thing. Like you go through your pain. You live it and then you say, this is what I went through. Which is what you've really done, isn't it? So it is. You've started speaking out about having these multiple miscarriages.
Rena Annobil: You know how you cope with that trauma. You started speaking out about it, what, the last few years?
Reena Combo-Kainth: Yeah. Since I had Milan. Okay. Since I had Milan and I had an Instagram page while I was going through miscarriages, but it was anonymous. It was called like chasing the rainbow or something. I can't, yeah.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Chasing the rainbow and. I did it anonymously because yeah, there was a bit of stigma and taboo in South Asian community. You know, I didn't really know anyone who'd knowingly know anyone who'd gone through a miscarriage. You know, I'd had friends who'd gone through it, but no one of like older generation or anything like that.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Yeah, and definitely my husband didn't know anyone who'd gone through a miscarriage, so he thought, so it was really difficult to talk about. I felt like I couldn't talk about it because it was kind of like a bit of a, not a secret, but it wasn't something that was being openly talked about and it wasn't something that I felt I could openly share either.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And it was because of that whole stigma and it, you know, I'm talking like Milan's four, and if we are saying eight years, we were trying, me and my husband have been married over 11, 12 years now. So. There's a big difference between 10 years ago and now there is. Um, so then I just, just didn't feel like it was something you could openly talk about.
Reena Combo-Kainth: But did sharing anonymously help you to process your losses? It did, and it also helped me to seek guidance and support from other women there. I've met so many women on this journey and when I was anonymous on Instagram and talk and. Asking questions about, is this normal or is it a normal to feel like this?
Reena Combo-Kainth: Or speaking to other women about my pain and how I was feeling, it was like therapy for me. And so many of those women are now my friends and we still stay in communication with each other. We stay in touch with each other and you know, we've got our babies, we've got a rainbow baby. But at the same time, it's given me, it's given me the knowledge of what it takes to help other women.
Reena Combo-Kainth: So, you know, there's lots of anonymous counts. On my Instagram now, and women will randomly message me on Instagram or TikTok and ask for support and say, well, is this normal? Or How did you cope with this? And I'm not saying I'm an expert at, you know, baby loss or how to deal with your trauma or how to deal with emotions, but I've been there and I can understand, and even if I can be there for someone just to listen, even if they wanna vent and they don't actually want.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Advice in general. They just wanna talk. I'm, you know, I'm more than happy to do that. But that Instagram at the time really, really helped me.
Rena Annobil: Did you get any professional help? Any kind of therapy or counselling or anything like that?
Reena Combo-Kainth: No, I didn't. I didn't. And it was offered to me, you know, I did work with, um, I did seek guidance and support from, um, Tommy's.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Which is, you know, registered charity who help people through miscarriage. And they were amazing. You know, I messaged a couple of times, they have a chat service. I spoke to them and that was about it really. I, I didn't get any therapy or anything like that, um, because I didn't think I needed it at that point.
Reena Combo-Kainth: I just, I just realized talking helps and that's what helped me as I came. Out of, you know it, and I had my baby. The more I talked about it, the more I felt like it was therapy for me. It was just like. A release from the heart, even like talking to you today. For me, this is like therapy. It's like I can let go of all some of that emotion.
Reena Combo-Kainth: I can let go of some of those feelings that internally I, I've held, held in within me and I've just released them. And I just think it's so important and this is why, you know, they say it's good to talk. It's so is good to talk. We hold so much in, and that was one of the biggest mistakes I made at the time.
Reena Combo-Kainth: I should have been more open about it. And even though I was worried. About telling people or, but what people thought. You shouldn't give an absolute; you know about it if you feel something, talk about it.
Rena Annobil: What about between you and your husband? These are traumatic events that you're dealing with.
Rena Annobil: There's a lot of emotion. You and he did it, were you talking to each other? Did it put a strain on you guys at any point?
Reena Combo-Kainth: So first couple of times I had a miscarriage. My husband didn't really know. How to deal with it. He was quite absent from those miscarriages. Not because he was heartless or because he didn't care.
Reena Combo-Kainth: He didn't know how to, he didn't know how to care for me, and he didn't know how to deal with his own emotions, and that was really difficult for me because I needed him. But also, I pushed him away because I felt like he didn't understand, so we didn't talk about them. And then. Suddenly. I dunno. I, I don't know what I think as we started going to appointments and we went private to get tests done and that we'd talk about, we'd talk about the mechanical stuff, you know, the stuff that we could do actually to help, which was booking the appointments and paying the money and, you know, that sort of thing.
Reena Combo-Kainth: But the emotional side, we couldn't fix. And then it was only when we started going private for Tess and speaking to doctors and one of the, um, private doctors, and my husband thought it was a bit funny at, he thought he was a bit of a joker at the moment, at the time. He said, give her a hug. My son was like, he's like, put your arm around her, give her a hug.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And he went like this, like to give me a hug. Thinking hug on demand. Yeah. He was like, she needs a hug. And he goes, now you give him hug. And ranch said to me, my husband, he was like, he's off his head like, you know, he's off his head. But actually it wasn't what he was trying to show us. This isn't something that you just tick off a box this appointment with me as your private consultant.
Reena Combo-Kainth: There's gotta be some emotional element here to it. And he could probably see that we were both being quite like, you know, withdrawn from each other after that. My husband came with me to every single appointment. He came with me to every single, um, scan that we had, whether that baby was a success or not, you know, if I was going through a miscarriage or whatever, if even if it was simple blood tests.
Reena Combo-Kainth: He came with, he was on that whole journey with me, and we talked the whole way through. He supported me like, like anything. He cried with me. He laughed with me every single miscarriage. After that, he was there and he went through. That whole journey with me. And then there was, when we had Milan, like I said, there was an element of PTSD for me.
Reena Combo-Kainth: I think my husband had an element of that too, because he found it really difficult navigating being a dad. As soon as Milan was born. It was like, where do I go? What do I, and I know most men do, but he was having like. Bad dreams and all sorts and nightmares, and I think he found it. There was that, you know, like instantly a release.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Yeah. For both of us. Oh God, we're parents. It's happened for us. But actually with that release also came a lot of anxiety and I, you know, as a woman, we go through it physically. We talk to our moms, we talk to our sisters, we talk to our friends. I talked, you know, I'm talking to you now. Men don't do that.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Men just do not do that because there is a element of embarrassment or male ego to it. Mm-hmm. And they, they just don't do that. And I feel like had he done that, it would've made life easier, but there was no one there for him to do that with. Yet. Now we've got friends who've been on similar journey to us that we've met.
Reena Combo-Kainth: He's be, and I hear him on the phone, you know, to the g the guy in the relationship saying, you need to be there for your wife. You need to support her. Listen to her. Just be there for her. And he was like, oh. But she keeps pushing me away. She's, you know, she'd, you know, I know she's going through the miscarriage, but she's pushing, pushing me away.
Reena Combo-Kainth: He is like, that's fine, let her do that if she wants to do that. Let her push you away, but you still need to be there. Listen, when she's ready to talk to you, you need to, and I'm like, is this my husband? Is he a counselor now? He's so
Rena Annobil: It’s so nice that you’ve come out the other side. He's now helping others. Well, you both are, you know, in your own way. You both are helping others.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And he always says, I will never, ever judge another couple for not having kids, or I will never, ever ask the question. Mm-hmm. Why have you not got kids yet? Because actually, they could be going on a journey. Exactly. We used to get asked that question, and we had some really horrible comments along the way.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Really like, how come we haven't got the kids yet? Oh, don't you wanna have kids enjoying life too much? Hey, I like those sorts of remarks. And we'd both just like to think, smile, and walk off. Mm-hmm. And then afterwards, I'd think to myself, like, what do you know?
Rena Annobil: Mm-hmm.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Like you should never, ever ask those questions, you know?
Reena Combo-Kainth: I, I remember being at a wedding house and you know, all the Asian women are together, cooking and everything else. And one of the ladies said to me like, my mother-in-law introduced all three daughter-in-laws. This is my old one, this is my middle one, this is my younger one. And she was like, oh, you've got kids.
Reena Combo-Kainth: She said to the old one and the older one said, yeah, I've got two who are like nearly teenagers. And then she said to the younger one and she goes, yeah, I've got twin girls. They were about five or six years old at that point, I think. Um, five maybe. And then she said, have you got kids? And I went, no, not yet.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And she went, you don't want kids? Like she's answered the question. Yeah, I, no, I do. And she went, oh, you enjoying your life? Like you enjoying life? And I went, yeah. I felt like I wanted the ground to swallow me up at that moment in time because I'd literally just gone through a miscarriage and I'm thinking, you're prying.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Like it was that question. Quite impression of question questions. Yeah. And I was just thinking like. Why? And then I remember coming home and I was telling Ran, he was like, oh, take no notice. Don't worry about it. And I was like, yeah. But I was like, why do people ask these questions? He was like, 'cause they're ignorant.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Like, you know, he was like, don't worry about it. Yeah. But you do, like you do get asked those questions and that's why we always, if we see a couple and we know that, you know, they've been married for a while or they're, they might not want kids as well. You know, there's lots of reasons people don't have children.
Rena Annobil: Did you guys ever think after you had your baby, after you had Milan, and you know you got to grips of being parents, were you like, we wanna do this again, we wanna give him a sibling? Did you ever think that at all?
Reena Combo-Kainth: We never ever thought we'd be parents of one child.
Reena Combo-Kainth: I never, ever thought that before I even met Ranch. I always used to say to, I used to make a joke, I used to say to my friends and my sister and my mom, I want five. And they're like, five, do you know what that is? And I was like, yeah, I want a little like team of kids, like little arenas running around after me.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Like, you know, I always imagined having a big family. I've come from a big family. I, you know, I've just always imagined it. Um, and we would, even now, we would love. To give Milan a sibling, but to know what we might have to go through again, fills us with dread. And the protocol was on all the injections.
Reena Combo-Kainth: And knowing that Milan is literally a miracle because we were told it might never happen for us. And knowing that even with Milan, I could still have another miscarriage. I don't think I could do that again. I don't think either of us could cope with that loss again. Mm-hmm. And I wanna be present a hundred percent for Milan.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Yeah, I get that. And if I were to have a miscarriage and not be able to cope, because I think I'd be on the last strike that I have to be able to cope with the loss again and not be there for him, that would be really difficult. And not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with having kids in your forties.
Reena Combo-Kainth: There's nothing wrong with it. Lots of women and men do it, and lots of couples go through it and they, it's fine. I just don't have the energy like I used to. You know, I've got a toddler and I'm nearly 44 years old and he, he's not easy kicking your butt a bit. He is kicking my backside. He's, we've been up since like, so, okay, it's midday now.
Reena Combo-Kainth: You know that we're doing this, I've been up since four o'clock this morning 'cause he's going through some mad 4-year-old sleep regression or not wanting to sleep in his big boy bed at the moment. And, you know, so it's. It's not for the faint hearted, you know, it's parenthood is in general. It's, although I love it and I embrace every single challenge that comes with it, um, I don't think I could, I don't think I could do that again.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Although if I could turn back the clock and enjoy the newborn baby stage, I wish I could because I didn't enjoy it at all. 'cause it was, I just, I had so much anxiety at that point. And I wish I could turn back the clock and do two things. One, enjoy the pregnancy a lot more. Because actually it was a, it wasn't a bad pregnancy, you know, I was healthy throughout it.
Reena Combo-Kainth: It was just riddled with anxiety. Mm-hmm. And the newborn phase, I think. No, I think every first time mom says that, that they wish they could enjoy the newborn face.
Rena Annobil: Um, you know, you, you were talking about, uh, things that people say to you, and I didn't really know what to say. No. You know. If somebody's watching this and they know somebody who has, who has gone through that, what is the right thing to do in order to support that person who's gone through baby loss?
Reena Combo-Kainth: Just be there for them. Just be there for them. They might want to talk about it. If they do let them talk.
Rena Annobil: Mm,
Reena Combo-Kainth: they might not wanna talk about it, so that's fine. Make them a cup of tea. Just show them that you're there and you're present. Saying all the usual things like, oh, you're lucky it happened early on.
Reena Combo-Kainth: You're still young. Those aren't helpful. They hurt. You might be saying 'em from a good place, but actually they mean nothing at that time. And that's, I would just say, be patient with that person. Be there for 'em. You can show them you care in any way. And it doesn't have to be buying them things just as simple as someone making you a cup of tea that used to break.
Reena Combo-Kainth: It used to break me like I used to burst out crying 'cause I was like, that used to show to me that they cared more than. Giving me a hug at the time because the physical side of it used to just, I didn't want that. 'cause you just feel like you're going through all this stuff. So sometimes they might not even want you to touch them or give them a hug, but just show them you're there.
Reena Combo-Kainth: You don't need to say anything. Mm-hmm. Okay. Just be there for that person and if they don't want you around, then you know, be respectful of that and just say, well, you tell me when you're ready for me to be there for you 'cause I'm here. And that's what you want at that time. At that time you just wanna know that someone is there for you and someone's.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Willing to listen and acknowledge their loss. You know, that's, that's a really big thing. If, you know they've had a miscarriage, acknowledge their loss, acknowledge their child, that was their baby, you know, it wasn't just an embryo growing inside them. It wasn't just a positive pregnancy test that showed two lines and it was, didn't mean nothing.
Reena Combo-Kainth: That was their baby. Just acknowledge it because it was special to them. Just like, you know, if you had got pregnant yourself or you've been pregnant yourself, as special as that was to you. And if
Rena Annobil: someone is watching this and they are going through baby loss or they, they've gone through miscarriages one or maybe multiple, what would you want them to know?
Reena Combo-Kainth: They're so strong. You're so brave and you're not alone. There's so many women, like I sat there and just know that you are. Braver than you think, and stronger than you know. And that's sticks by me forever. And if anybody ever wants any help or support, I'm always there for them. And you're not alone. You know, on this journey.
Reena Combo-Kainth: You are never alone. And the reason I'm getting tearful is not because I wanna make that person feel even more upset, but because my heart goes out to anyone on this journey and I know how lonely it is. And just that you're so brave. And I really, really pray and hope that it does happen. And you know, realistically it doesn't happen for everyone.
Reena Combo-Kainth: But my hopes and prayers are with anyone on this journey who's desperate to be a parent. And I really hope it does happen. But just know how brave you are.
Rena Annobil: Rena, Thank you so much coming to to talk to me. I know it's, it's emotional. It is. It's not easy, like going back to those places in time where you went through those things, but, um, I really appreciate you coming on and sharing.
Rena Annobil: I think it's gonna really, um, help somebody out there and, and raise awareness of baby loss. Um, which is really, really important. Thank, thank you.
Reena Combo-Kainth: Thank you so much. Thank you for letting me come on. Thank you for giving the opportunity. Thank you.
Rena Annobil: Thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. I hope that this has been, uh, useful for you.
Rena Annobil: I hope it's been informative. Please do share this with anyone that you think could benefit from this episode. And, um, I'm gonna put some links to charities that are also helpful when it comes to baby loss awareness as well, um, in the description of this. So, um, I will catch you on the next episode of the Lifestyle Prescription by Pharmacy Planet.
